The walk across Suicide Bridge was long, longer than it had been in her whole life. Her legs felt wobbly in her new white high heeled shoes - prom shoes, only worn once, white like her pretty dress, white like the ribbon in her hair. Cars screamed by, uncaring. She tried hard to keep her balance, but her tired ankles kept flopping sideways. "They probably think I'm a drunk," she said, crying. She made her unsteady way across the long bridge like a beginning gymnast tiptoeing a balance beam.

She reached the center of the bridge and turned to face the void. She put both hands on the thick concrete protector by the sidewalk. The decomposing pebbles and sand and lime were rough on her hands. A sign warned, "No dumping trash off the bridge." She leaned over the protector and looked down into the abyss.

She felt dizzy. She hated heights. The L.A. River looked so small down there. That's a dumb name for a river," she said. "It's all concrete and there isn't even any water in it, except that slimy trickle in the middle." She moved sideways. She didn't want to land in all that slime with her pretty white dress. She started crying hard now.

"Please, God. I'm sorry," she said. "I'm sorry about my mom and dad and sis. I don't want to disappoint them. I don't know what to do." She looked over the edge again. "I know Danny's no good, but I can't help it, I loved him. I still love him. He made me feel like flying." She put a hand on her belly. It didn't seem any bigger. "Why did he have to be such a shit?" She paused. "God, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to swear."

She unpinned her corsage. She let it drop. It floated through the air like a butterfly, then started into a crazy sideways spin and land in the dirt beside the concrete holding wall. The river seemed so narrow.

A passing car honked its horn, scaring her badly. The heel came off one of her shoes. She wiped her nose and took off both shoes, placing them carefully on the sidewalk. She put her stomach on the concrete protector, twisted, and got her legs up. She could feel the sting from a scrape on her knee. She hugged the cold concrete and closed her eyes. She rolled sideways.

For a moment it felt like flying.